


As The World Turns

by ThatWildWolf



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Character Study, Friendship/Love, Gen, Light Angst, Military Science Fiction, Relationship Study, Romance Not Romance, Short One Shot, Tired Shepard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-29
Updated: 2020-08-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:01:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26176141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatWildWolf/pseuds/ThatWildWolf
Summary: She trusts him.That's probably what made her decide to ask him to do it, but the truth is that she doesn't know. She needs someone to watch her back, and Garrus is the only one she knows she can count on—with both the good and the bad aspects of the job.Relationship study-ish one-shot.
Relationships: Female Shepard/Garrus Vakarian
Comments: 4
Kudos: 27





	As The World Turns

**Author's Note:**

> This is totally not just me experimenting with writing in the present tense.

They're tired and barely able to stand when they stumble into the elevator, but they still manage to retain some dignity in that none of them fall down. It's been a taxing day and while that has been the norm lately, it doesn't make it easier. Jack mumbles some sort of goodbye before practically stumbling outside, too tired to take a look back.

Garrus leans on the wall and it's all Shepard can do not to do the same thing. Barely aware of what she's doing, she just waits until the doors close and she presses the button that will finally take her to the comfort of her cabin.

Her body barely holds its own weight, but she's aware that it's not long-term fatigue and she'll probably feel better after laying down for just a few minutes. Hell, she's managed to go through the entire day without getting shot _once_ —that's a victory all in its own.

When the elevator doors finally slide open, she's at the point where all she can think of is her bed or her sofa, whichever's closest. She trips over the threshold and almost falls down, but Garrus grabs her arm and holds her still until she regains her balance.

She smiles to herself as she opens the door to her cabin.

"You always have my back, don't you, Vakarian?"

He nods his head—there's no hesitation, not even for a moment. That's part of why Shepard chose him for her closest aide. Garrus has always been no-nonsense and decisive, always reliable. She values that far more than she would any battle proficiency—even though he doesn't exactly fail in that area, either.

"Always," he states simply, even though her question did not require an answer.

Shepard sighs, strapping off her chestplate, letting it fall to the padded carpeting on the floor. It lands on the ground with a quiet thud; one that will not be heard outside her soundproof door.

A small smile creeps onto Shepard's lips and she's too tired to even fight off that reflex. Soundproof walls, carpeted flooring... This is honestly the only place she can get any privacy—or at least a semblance thereof—anymore.

She falls onto the bed without much grace, glad to be rid of the uncomfortable armor and to be able to let her hair down, both literally and metaphorically. It has not been a particularly taxing day, even, but at this point she's not even paying attention anymore.

"Should I go?" Garrus isn't uncomfortable, as far as she can tell, but he _does_ seem a bit distraught. Maybe he doesn't know what the protocol is here. It _is_ her personal cabin, after all, and she did _not_ invite him up, per se. More than anything, they'd just stumbled into the elevator, equally drained after the day's activities and neither of them really wanted to be alone... Shit, she doesn't know. They didn't say anything.

"I don't know," she says, in line with the truth. "I won't mind if you stay."

True again: she feels comfortable around him. Perhaps even only him. It doesn't really happen often in her line of work to find someone whom you can trust completely, so maybe that's why that revelation surprises her now.

_Complete trust. Not something that just happens,_ Shepard thinks, and for some reason it only makes her appreciate their relationship more. Garrus, unlike everyone else, gets her. He's more than just her best friend now. No, they've been together through hell and then some, and somehow they made it... How very logical that they would be so close now.

And they _are_. They are so close now that Shepard doesn't have any inhibitions against stripping off her armor and leaving her vulnerable to most forms of physical attack—something she wouldn't dare do in front of another turian—or even letting her guard down so much she lets herself close her eyes and lie down—something she would never do in front of any other man. She just takes down the walls she keeps up at all times, diving into her apparently unlimited trust for that young turian gunnery officer, and for the first time in way too long, lets herself relax.

She mumbles something about how he can sit down if he'd like, but for all she cares, he might as well throw himself on the bed and she wouldn't be bothered, too tired to do anything about it.

She opens her eyes lazily.

"Thanks," she says so quietly it's almost a whisper.

"For what?"

Shepard looks at him, propping up on her forearms.

"I don't know..." She throws her head back and maybe it's all the stress finally getting to her, but she laughs. "Nothing in particular, I guess. Stupid, isn't it?"

"Really, Shepard, I'm not here to judge you." Garrus tilts his head at her in a motion that's less turian than it is human and for some reason that's what seals the deal for her.

If there were any doubts about it in Shepard's mind, now they are gone. She knows for sure that he's the only person she could ever trust with this. She doesn't know if it's the years that bind them together, all the battles they'd fought by each other's side, the simple fact that she enjoys his company, or maybe a combination of all those things... But there is something, like a spark, that makes up her mind indefinitely.

"Garrus?" She sits up, her feet now dangling off the side of the bed. "We've known each other for a long time now." She smiles weakly, letting herself look him in the eyes. As always, the piercing blue catches her by surprise and she has to gather her thoughts again. He's the only turian with blue eyes she's ever met. "And there's no one in the world I trust more than you."

"Shepard?" His brow plates move ever so slightly and his nose twitches a bit. If he were human, his eyebrows would probably have been knit in an expression of uncertain cogitation. "What are you saying?"

"I've been... looking for someone to act as my... my... right hand man, if you will. A lieutenant. And I need it to be someone I can trust—and you know how hard it is to find someone you can trust, and that's why I—" She realizes she's rambling. "That's why I'm so glad I found _you_. You know? Because I know you and I can trust you like no one else and that's really—that's really important, and I know that what I'm asking of you is a _lot_ , but I wouldn't be asking unless I knew you were the right person and I just—just want you to know that it's okay if you say no, you know. You—you know?"

Shepard buries her face in her hands, fighting the urge to groan with exasperation. _Of_ _course_ she wouldn't know how to express herself through words. She doesn't even know what else she was expecting, honestly.

"You... want... a... _bodyguard?"_ Garrus tilts his head, a strange flicker in his eyes as he looks at her.

Shepard purses her lips when she recognizes what that flicker means.

She crosses her arms. "Why is that funny to you?"

"I just... I'm sorry." He is trying very hard not to laugh at her, and the main reason is probably because she's staring at him in a way that effectively discourages any kind of ridicule. "It's just that... You're Commander Shepard."

She raises an eyebrow, not sure if he's expecting her to disagree with that fairly obvious statement.

"So?"

"So... it's you. You're... you know. You don't need a bodyguard."

"That's not what I'm talking about," she says sternly. "All I know is that I need someone to watch my back. Not just in battle—though that's probably gonna be the bigger part of it—but at all times. Someone I can trust to take care of the things I miss—enemies I might overlook or dangers I might not notice. Basically, you'd be in charge of protecting my life. In a way that _I_ can't. I'm not giving you extra privilege—I'm giving you extra _responsibility_. Which is why I'll understand if you say no."

"I'm not saying no."

"But you know what this means, right?"

He knows. She looks at him and no words need to pass between them for her to know that he understands completely. Of course he does. If Shepard believed in any nonsense such as soulmates, she probably would have pegged Garrus as her soulmate. He's always understood her.

It's not a pleasant topic to discuss with _anyone_ , but Commander Shepard of all people doesn't have the luxury of choosing to avoid conversations like that. She can't afford to be considerate.

So while she's convinced that Garrus understands what she's really asking of him, she also feels like it needs to be said aloud. She doesn't know why. Maybe so it feels more like an agreement. A contract between them, even if one signed only by honor and loyalty to one another.

"Garrus. You watching my back means you can also shoot me in the back."

And there. She said it.

It feels strange. Like a giant weight had been lifted off her shoulders. And now that she's past that point, the words are flowing freely from her mouth. Maybe because there's no need for them to beat around the bush—because sometimes she just needs to be straightforward and as brutally honest as possible.

"This galaxy doesn't need another Saren. Someone who would abuse their power and endanger innocent people. There's enough bad people out there already." She chuckles sadly. "You don't need to add _me_ to the bunch."

"Shepard—"

"I know who I am, Garrus!" She hasn't expected she'd get so angry at being interrupted. "I know I'm not perfect. I know how painfully easy it would be to step over that line. I would probably do it because I wanted to help people. Because I thought it was the easier way to do the right thing. But that's exactly why I can't trust myself anymore."

She closes her eyes. Not because she's about to cry or because she's too emotional to look him in the eye, but simply because she feels more comfortable speaking about it in darkness.

"Garrus, if you see that I've crossed that line... Or that I'm about to do something that you know I shouldn't... Don't hesitate before taking the shot. That's all I ask of you. Don't hesitate." She opens her eyes, for the first time seeing his reaction to that request from her. He's almost surprisingly calm, only his eyes betraying the slightest hint of concern. "I'm trusting you to stop me, Garrus Vakarian. You may just be the only one who can."

It' true: simply because he's the only one she trusts enough to guard her back.

"It's not an honorable way to die, I know." This part is more for his benefit than she cares to admit. She knows exactly what his objections would be, so she decides to shoot them down before he manages to voice them. "But I'd rather die at your hand than live on as the villain of the piece."

What was that old saying again? You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become a villain? How poetically accurate.

"So... Can I trust you with this?"

Her voice sounds weak and uncertain in the silence that fills the room, and it feels like hours until Garrus finally responds.

"You can trust me, Shepard." He bows his head, showing off his crest—a sign of respect in turian society that probably would have been lost on another human. Then he looks up and Shepard is almost taken aback by the spark in his eyes. "But I won't take the shot unless it's really necessary. As long as there's another way," he clenched his mandibles, "I will fight for you, Shepard. You may give up on yourself, but _I'm_ not giving up on you."

Shepard breathes out, more relieved than she could ever expect she would be.

"Thank you, Garrus," she whispers. "Thank you."


End file.
